Hello there and welcome back to Tuesdays With Lazerbeak. Man I can’t believe the Vikings are 7-1 going into the bye week! Absolutely incredible. That victory coupled with the fact that, against all odds, I managed to defeat my fantasy football opponent by less than one point in the final seconds of Monday Night Football (take that Tony Gonzalez!), I just couldn’t ask for anything more! Admittedly, it was a rough start for Lazerbeak’s Legendz: I started 0-4 this fantasy season and thought all hope was lost. But with a little determination and perserverance I crawled my way back to .500 and am poised for greatness. Unfortunately, there will be no time for celebrations though. This following week will be a fight to the death as I take on my wife in the ultimate grudge match of a lifetime. Two beasts battling for 1st place. NO MERCY. I have a feeling someone will definitely be sleeping on the couch by next week’s installment.
Yikes, did I lose you? Sorry about that, enough football talk for the time being. Since it’s getting colder out and daylight savings is making me all bummed out, I figured I’d make a new list designed to uplift your spirits:
“THINGS (THAT ARE AWESOME) THAT GET ME THROUGH THE WINTER”
– CHICKEN & WAFFLES & MIMOSAS-
This has been a winter tradition at our house for a few years now. My man Mike Mictlan put me on to the incredible combination of fried chicken and buttery/syrupy waffles years back when I visited him in LA and he took me to Roscoe’s. Up until that point I had only heard about it in rap songs. I really wish I was skilled at cooking and could give you a delicious recipe, but unfortunately that ain’t me. This is how I’ve managaed to pull it off though:
Step 1: Call up some friends and go to Popeye’s. Do not even think about hitting a KFC. Get ready to order a ton of chicken (we usually rock the 25 piece spicy meal) and do not skimp on the sides: mashed potatoes, collard greens, cajun fries, mac n cheese, red beans and rice, and a ton of biscuits. Bring it all back to your party spot asap before you have time to question why you just dropped $60 at Popeye’s. There will be no buyer’s remorse today.
Step 2: Make sure some of your friends know how to make insane belgium waffles (I see you Johnson’s!). Once you get home, get that griddle going and start to get everything lined up and ready to eat.
Step 3: Load up a plate with a little bit of everything on it. Some people put the chicken right on top of the waffle and eat it together. That ain’t me, but I am not mad at you. I generally have one plate full of sides, and one plate half chicken half waffle. Hot sauce is also very important (you should be able to get a ton of Louisiana for free at Popeye’s). Syrup on the waffle, hot sauce on the chicken.
Final Step: Before you eat, go into the fridge and grab two things: a bottle of cheap champagne and a jug of OJ. Mix those two jams together and reward yourself for the great thing you are about to do. At our place we usually eat this at halftime of the noon game. Regardless of how well your team is doing, you will feel much joy and solace in the fact that you are indulging in some of the finest food and drink in all the land. Victory is within your reach. Hard work is not easy, but it’s fair (I see you Larry Holmes).
– ROBES & HOUSE SHOES –
I am wearing both of these things as I type this to you. And man am I comfortable. If you do not have either of these items in your closet, it’s time to start that Christmas wishlist today. You don’t need to get all crazy fancy either. Slippers, I’m talking $10 jump offs from Target. Robes, $30 jump offs from Target. Or you could make a robe too. I asked my Mom to make me a robe for Christmas a few years back and it’s one of the best things I ever did. Now when I sit down to make a beat, I am wearing a long flowing robe (constructed by my loving mother) with “BEAK” stitched onto the back. That makes me feel like a BONAFIDE OFFICIAL LEGEND GOD and I haven’t even turned the MPC on yet. Just imagine the kind of scorching heat knocker that is liable to fly out of that thing if that is my mindset going into it. This is one of thee top reasons why I am able to create genuine authentic lava bangers. So get a robe and some house shoes and stop fronting.
There you have it. Next time you find yourself in the darkest dregs of winter, revisit this post and get happy. You’ll be glad you did, life doesn’t get much better.
Alright, gotta go to the studio now. Have a great week. See you next Tuesday.